I hate cancer! Even writing these words is a strange feeling.
Because a person usually directs the word ‘hate’ toward a person, an injustice, or a betrayal. But cancer is something else. It comes without knocking on the door. It doesn’t ask for permission.
It suddenly calls into question your plans, your dreams, the tasks you left for tomorrow, and the fantasies you built with your loved ones. I hate cancer. Because it wants to steal time, which is a person’s most valuable asset.
One morning seems ordinary. A person goes to work, answers phone calls, rushes to meetings, and makes plans for tomorrow. Then, an examination, a test, a doctor’s word, and the previous meaning of life changes in an instant.
The taste of a cup of tea, the voice of a friend, the laughter of a child, the gaze of a spouse, the sun shining through the window… A person realizes that life hides miracles not in grand events, but in small moments that go unnoticed because they repeat every day.
I hate cancer because it scares people. But the strange thing is that what you fear sometimes awakens the strength within you; a person sometimes learns to stand firm exactly where they feel weakest.
A person does not just fight the disease. They also fight hopelessness and fear.
I have my own name, not cancer. I have dreams, loved ones, and unfinished business. There are places I want to see, words I want to say, and days I want to live. That is why I hate cancer.
But I have no intention of dedicating my life to it. Because life is much bigger than an illness. If you have hope for tomorrow, there is still a path.
I am not friends with cancer. A friend does not trip you. A friend does not leave you halfway. A friend shares and supports. Cancer wants to divide. But I will not let it divide my life.
I hate cancer because it invades a person’s peace before their body, entering one’s life like a small doubt.
Sometimes, having one person by your side is more valuable than a hundred people saying ‘get well soon’.
If there is someone who waits for you, answers your calls, worries when you are sick, and understands your silence, you are not poor. Perhaps this is a person’s greatest wealth.
In the debates I hosted years ago, guests used to say: ‘I am stopping my time…’, ‘I am freezing my time…’
Back then, these phrases were just words spoken on air. Now, those same words sound completely different in my ears.
Stopping time… Freezing time… Sometimes a person understands the true meaning of a word only when they live it. Now I, too, understand what a great wish it is to stop time. I wish it were possible. We think that tomorrow will always come.
You cannot choose the length of your life, but it is in your hands to choose the spirit with which you own it. I will own my life. I have no intention of parting with my relatives, my friends, and the life I love. Cancer is a test I have encountered, but my destiny is greater than it and all illnesses.
I hate cancer. A lot. But I will take time back from it. Not to stop or freeze it, but to live it. After all, life is not a broadcast! If one day life truly asks me for my final word, I will say it myself. Because this is the debate of life.
The final word is still mine, and the subject is me!
Anar Yusifoğlu, Əməkdar jurnalist